Review: Repo Men

* out of four stars

“Repo Men” needed a high speed chase with flying cars, a stunt where someone jumps from something onto a moving something else, more time in the stripper joint, a well-choreographed fist fight, someone blowing something up with a rocket launcher, a sex scene, more stuff blowing up, a techno-influenced musical score and a much more acceptable ending. This wouldn’t have made the story better, but it at least would’ve given us more to enjoy.

As the film progressed, I hated it more and more. Jude Law, who starred in the similar David Cronenberg film “eXistenZ,” plays Remy, a Repo Man for a large medical corporation which specializes in making artificial organs for a high price. Fail to pay and Remy and buddy Jake (Forest Whitaker, “Ghost Dog,” “The Last King of Scotland”) come to repossess the company’s product… by taking the organ out of them. “But this rarely ever happens,” lies evil corporate president Frank (Live Schreiber, “Defiance,” “Wolverine”) who takes pleasure in getting his merchandise back.

Something happens to Remy, an action so unsuspicious that when we learn the truth behind it we don’t understand why, nor do we get a satisfying explanation… but anyway, this something happens to Remy and he has to get an artificial heart. To answer your next question, yes, eventually Remy cannot pay for it and decides to run from the company.

This film is preposterous, and the fact I’m saying that means something. The film would be less preposterous if it were more preposterous. Let me explain. About halfway through the movie, it becomes very unbelievable. How, for example, could Remy survive such a huge blow to the head from a huge metal crane? How can someone cut themselves open and move an object around in their own bodies without passing out? And finally, is everyone in the corporation required to carry around a knife in their briefcase? The answer to these questions is stupid, and to top it off, it’s all the same answer.

The ending of the film couldn’t be more angering, but I won’t give it away. It attempts to be more surprising than it really is. It’s a stupid, disappointing ending that pranks the audience more than satisfies it. It’s a bad attempt to make sense of everything. It doesn’t work.

Where are my high-speed chase and rocket launchers? If we’re going to do the implausible, do it with more style. Then we’ll stop caring and enjoy the ride. In one word, to quote MAD Magazine, “Blecch!”

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